Category Archives: ramblings

Getting Back to Me…Domestic Diva Checking In

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I’ve been slipping a lot lately when it comes to my routines and habits. The Domestic Diva seems to have left the building. My efforts at saving money and living more sustainably (both environmentally and financially) have just gone out the window.

I haven’t been cooking as much honestly.  There are a lot of reasons I guess.  I’m tired.  Busy. Kids are running around off the hook. The baby is crying.  Hunter is busy and I’m flying solo some evenings. Its gorgeous outside and I’d rather do anything than cook some nights. There aren’t any good excuses, just excuses.

I haven’t been using coupons.  It just seems like most of the coupons I’ve been getting in the paper are for products I don’t need or want. And printing them off the computer uses a ton of ink! I’d also been forgetting to take them with me when we go (and we’ve been going as a family). So, I’ve taken a few weeks off from couponing and buying the paper.

I definitely haven’t cloth diapered (the first baby that I haven’t done it with, part-time) but I’m thinking about it for evenings and weekends. Thinking about it.

I haven’t baked bread regularly. I went from baking bread 2-3 times a week to nothing. And I haven’t wanted to.

There are no flowers, no garden beds prepped, no cute projects.

We don’t even have a clothes line (though we did buy supplies last weekend to put up one).

I feel like I’m just subsisting. Just getting by. I get buried in housework and running around to ball game. In getting the kids to school (on time) and not forgetting all of their activities and school projects. My work has picked up so I’m busier than ever with it and side projects.

Last week, I sewed basket liners for new Easter baskets for the boys.  I wanted really nice ones like the ones from Pottery Barn but I just couldn’t, in my right mind, pay $60 each (after basket, liner and embroidery) for Easter baskets. Ridiculous. So I bought 3 simple baskets at Hobby Lobby for half-off (3.99 each) and used burlap Hunter had leftover from a tree job (free!) to sew 3 liners that turned out beautifully. I’ll post pictures soon.

I also sewed a crayon apron for my cousin’s little girl that turned out to be adorable. Of course, I took no pictures of it before I gave it to her (bad blogger).

I think it was the sewing that’s put the bug back in my ear. I am missing my old habits and routines. So last night, I made my own laundry soap.  Just a small batch but I like it. And it felt good to make my own again.

And I put beans in water to soak overnight. They’re in the crock pot now. I’m cooking a large pot so I can freeze them for later meals during this busy season when eating out or eating lazy food is so tempting.

I also baked a loaf of bread and plan to mix up a batch of refrigerator dough tonight. The house smells wonderful right now.

This weekend, I’m hoping to get the clothes line put up and figure out how we can re-purpose something into some 4 x 4 boxes for green bean tepees. And cook or prep a few more things that I can freeze for later on.

By the end of summer, I’d like to have chickens again as our girls are all gone.  Chickens and a mobile coop.  How fun would that be?

I’m just hoping to get back to my normal.  And really, to slow down our spending. Convenience isn’t cheap. Now that we’ve moved and settled into this house, we’re hoping to create more stability for ourselves by increasing our savings from nearly nothing to something. haha!

“Homesteading” seems like such an old-fashioned, hippie like work but these old domestic tasks are just that…homesteading. I’m not sure why I am hesitant to use it but I am. Lowering our impacts, decreasing our spending, improving our way of life and making healthier choices.  Those are my goals right now.  The Domestic Diva is checking back in.

What are you working on in your life right now?

Choosing to Live in the Now: How a Dream has Broken Me Today

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I woke myself up at 2:38 this morning sobbing. That deep gut-wrenching sobbing that is out of your control and you know it.

The anxiety had reared its ugly head again in the form of a nasty dream in which I probably not going to see my children grow up because of what I’m facing in the dream. They wouldn’t remember me. Or know who I was. Or care. (And I have to stop talking about it because I’m crying now. It’s that clear and vivid in my head still.)

You know that one, right? Every mom has those fears and worries buried somewhere deep.

So I got up and tracked down Hunter, who’d fallen asleep on the couch, and made him come to bed. And I cried and cried and cried and reached out repeatedly to touch him, just to assure myself that it was just a dream. While I laid there, all I could think of was what I’d do differently. If this were near the end of my life, what would I change? How would I treat my husband and kids differently? Would I use that harsh tone or yell about the clothes on the floor or tell them for the millionth time that, “I was not their maid.” Where would I want to take them? What would I want them to remember?

And then it smacked me between the eyes again..this could be it. The end “could” be near for me because it can happen in the next five minutes (you never know) and all they’ll have are memories of me. What would their memories be?

Lee and I walking yesterday and holding hands while we exercised together? Me being at their ball games and school activities telling them what a great job they’re doing and how I’m so proud of them? Me staying home with them when they’re sick? Making silly faces in the mirror? Me taking every flower they bring me and smelling it and smiling?
Or will they remember the yelling? The harsh words? The spankings (because yes, I have)? The throwing of clothes into baskets while ranting about a mess? The toys I threaten to throw away?

Honestly, I think it has to be a mix of the two really because if not, then I’m not parenting. It’s my job to teach them to be adults one day. Its my job to teach them, to provide them with experiences, to guide them, to love them beyond the shadow of a doubt and to demonstrate through my actions, what a loving, caring, Christian parent is. What a happy, healthy, satisfied life can be like.

But since 2:38 this morning, I’ve realized something. I have been living for “when things get better” or “when we have more money” or “when I don’t have to work as much” or “when they know how to behave.” Why? Those things might never happen. So what am I waiting for? What’s holding me back from those small moments? Those sweet slices of life, those “hinge moments as Jon Acuff puts it in Quitter (which I’m reading slowly), that change our lives forever.

Why am I waiting on later to make me happy? Because it won’t. I’ll find something else to get in the way, to slow me down, to redirect my attention elsewhere, to make me unhappy and dissatisfied with my life.

I don’t have an answer. But this dream…it has weighed on me. I know where it came from and why. I know my oldest shares these kinds of dreams with me, bless his precious tender heart. And even before the dream, I’d been repeating a phrase to myself a lot.

Be intentional.

Be intentional with my words, my actions, my thoughts, my life. Focus on what means the absolute most to me. My family. I love them with all I have and I could not live without them. I couldn’t make it without Hunter. He grounds me. He’s my rock. He infuriates me at times but our love is deep and strong. I love those boys…dirt, stained socks, ripped jeans, weird projects, strange thought patterns, sweet gifts, loving hearts, beautiful, beautiful boys. They ground me and make me crazy.

I’ve been more intentional with time. I’ve said no more than I used to. But I haven’t been intentional with my family. I’m still letting other things distract me. I’m still waiting on “better” and “more” to happen. And I have to stop. I have to be happy, content, and IN the moment we are living in right now because its the moment I’ve been given.

Some dream, right? Dreams always make me take stock because they usually come from somewhere. Sometimes its just a crazy something you had wander through your day. Sometimes though, its a “take stock” moment that happens at 2:38 in the morning when you’ve looked one of your biggest fears in the face through the veil of a dream.

It makes you think.

Are you living “in the now” or have you been putting off things like I have? What does being intentional mean to you?

Time to go!

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I have my list.

It has 7 pairs of shoes on it (including these that you know I ain’t leaving home without).

And 8 pairs of pants in varying forms.

What's in my bag

And a whole pile of other stuff I probably won’t need while I’m at Blissdom.

I’m a bundle of nerves and excitement.

I’m worried to death that one of the boys will get sick.

This is my First Blissdom!

Blissdom is finally here and I’m beside myself excited. I leave in just a bit to drive up and I can’t wait. Borrowed clothes borrowed shoes, borrowed computer (because as much as he says he can live without it, 5 days without a computer will not do for Hunter), borrowed car.

My niece is loaning me her netbook which should be hilarious. But I really won’t need it for much. It appears I’ll be too busy having fun and learning and meeting people.

We all decided taking my dad’s car was probably a better idea than my nearly 12-year-old car with 200K+ miles on it.  :) It calms worries for my dad who is not liking my driving all the way alone. Never mind I drive from one end of the state to the other all the time for work? He loves me.

I’m wishing I had another webcam so I could see my boys. But phones will have to do.
old suitcase

Ready or not, Nashville, here I come!

Oh the nerves…I’m going to Blissdom!

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I’m a little excited about something that’s coming up for me.

This is my First Blissdom!

My fantastically awesome husband is being nothing but supportive of my going to this conference that I’ve been wishing to attend for 3 years now.

I am beyond excited and nervous.  It’s more than a little out of my comfort zone to go to an event like this without knowing someone.  I mean, I do it for work sometimes but that’s different.  I have to go.  This is for me.  Because I want to.  Because I want to learn more about social media and how to harness its power for personal and professional reasons, and how to be a better blogger.  And, because I want to meet other people who love their online lives as much as I do mine.

Other than online, I don’t “know” anyone that’s going but honestly, I don’t care.  I know I’m going to have a blast and I know I am going to meet some absolutely awesome people.

The nerves are there.  The feelings of inadequacy when it comes to blogging are there because let’s face it, I’m not a very good blogger.  My blog isn’t a whole lot to talk about and the design is several years old. It’s all those little things…my old computer, the no tablet, the lack of an iPhone…all those things that I don’t have.  The clothes…gah. The worry that my roommate (who I know online but not in “real life”) will hate me. I could go on and on and on.  I’m really, really  good at anxiety.  (And who’s going to care what computer or cell phone I have or what clothes I wear?  Really?)

But, its going to be fine.  Fine. FINE.  I’m going to get there (without getting too awful lost). My roommie and I are going to like each other (we do online! lol). I’m going to meet people that I’ve been waiting months and months to meet.  I’m going to meet new people. I don’t need to worry about sitting alone in sessions. I don’t need to worry about my clothes quite so much. It’s going to be fine.  FINE. (I’m yelling at myself here).

Because the most important thing is….I’m going.  To Blissdom!  I’m giddy.  If I could squeal like a little girl right now, I would. And I’m not that kind of girl!

I leave in 13 days.  (((NERVES))))

Is anyone else going?